Listening to Someone Who is Hurting

Whenever people deal with loss, serious injury, or other kinds of trauma, they often need to talk about it to heal. To be able to talk about these sensitive topics, they need willing listeners.

Unfortunately, many of us shrink from listening to people in pain. We may feel afraid to make matters worse by saying the wrong thing, stressed because we have enough troubles of our own, or worried that we are not the appropriate person to talk to.

It is natural to feel reluctant or even afraid of facing another person's painful feelings. However, it is important not to let this fear prevent us from helping someone we work with, supervise, or know.

Tips for listening to others

The guidelines below can help you through any difficult conversation. Though each situation is unique, these should make the process easier.

Be present. The most important things to do are to be there, listen, and show that you care. Remove all distractions and focus on the conversation.

Find a private setting. When it comes to sensitive topics like loss and trauma, most people don't want others to hear them talk about their issues. Finding a private setting helps people feel safe to say how they truly feel.

Keep your comments brief and straightforward. A key part of being a good listener is to let the other person do the talking. Give advice only if it is solicited and appropriate to your role. Give verbal and non-verbal messages of support instead of shifting the conversation to be about your own experiences. If you have had a similar experience, mention it briefly when the moment seems right. Avoid saying things like "I know exactly how you feel."

Ask questions which show your interest. Similar to keeping your comments brief, asking appropriate questions that encourage the other person to talk is important. Asking the right questions keeps the conversation going without you taking over.

Understand that people react in different ways. Since emotions are rarely simple and often include the pain of past experiences, everyone reacts to stressful or traumatic situations differently. People's different reactions mean that not all conversations will be the same. Some people may be willing to talk more than others, and it is important to respect everyone's boundaries.

Follow up. Listening might give you information that you want to follow up on later. If something serious comes up in your conversation, don't be afraid to check on the person every now and then. Following up on a conversation shows that you care.

When to get professional help

After a conversation about stress or trauma, it may be appropriate to ask if there is someone outside of work that the other person can call for support. Consider suggesting they request a counseling appointment or call us at 877-313-4455.

Having a conversation with someone who is emotionally upset can be draining, so don't hesitate to request a counseling appointment to de-brief the experience yourself.

For HR & managers

If need help addressing a loss or traumatic event with your team, request an HR & manager consultation.