When Someone You Know Dies

When someone you care about, like a family member, friend, or coworker, dies unexpectedly, you might have many unanswered questions and have a hard time understanding or accepting the death.

In most cases, people don’t get a chance to say goodbye and have little time to get used to the change. Additionally, when someone dies by suicide or violence, it can be very shocking and hard to handle.

Use the information below to help you or others navigate through grief that comes with losing someone you know.

Ways we express grief

Grieving is a normal reaction to loss, but everyone deals with it in their own way. Mourning is how we show our grief. Some people express their feelings openly, while others might process their loss quietly, focusing on getting things done.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and you can’t rush through it. It’s important to find a way that feels natural for you and to avoid judging how yourself or others are grieving.

Responses to death

Everyone reacts to death differently. It’s important to know what factors can affect our reactions and how we feel emotionally and physically during this time.

Contributing factors

Different things can influence how we respond to a death, such as:

• Our relationship with the person who died
• Our cultural and religious beliefs
• Previous experiences with loss
• The way the person died
• Our mental health
• The support we have from others
• Our life experiences

These factors also affect how we mourn and deal with the loss.

Emotional responses

When we’re grieving, we might feel a mix of emotions, including:

• Shock
• Denial
• Sadness
• Anger
• Guilt
• Confusion
• Numbness

Some people may have nightmares, flashbacks, or intrusive thoughts, and might try to avoid reminders of the deceased. We might also feel a heavy sense of responsibility, asking ourselves questions like, "What if I had done something differently?" These questions often don’t lead to answers and leave us wanting to understand what happened.

Sometimes, we can have sudden waves of intense sadness, called grief bursts. These can happen when we’re reminded of the person who died, like on special occasions or when we see their belongings. Over time, these feelings usually happen less often and don’t last as long.

There’s no set timeline for grieving. If your grief feels too strong, is making it hard for you to handle daily tasks, lasts a long time, or makes you question your relationships or beliefs, talk to someone you trust, like a friend or a counselor.

Physical responses

Grieving can also come with physical symptoms, such as:

• Loss of appetite
• Trouble sleeping
• Fatigue
• Headaches
• Body pain
• Muscle tension
• Restlessness
• Low motivation to do things you enjoy

If your physical symptoms are worrying or don’t go away, it’s a good idea to visit your doctor.

Complicated Grief

Complicated grief means experiencing very strong feelings related to loss, like:

• Difficulty accepting the death
• Intrusive memories
• Nightmares
• Longing for the person who died
• Withdrawing from friends and family

This type of grief can happen with traumatic deaths—like those from suicide or violence—or when someone has faced multiple losses. If you have a history of depression or anxiety, you may be at higher risk for complicated grief. This type can also happen if a loss can’t be publicly acknowledged or mourned, such as in cases of suicide or hidden relationships.

Supporting others

When trying to comfort someone who is grieving, keep in mind that everyone manages grief in their own way. It can be helpful just to listen and say things like, "I’m not sure what to say, but I care about you," or "That sounds really tough."

If a coworker passes away, it can help to take some action after hearing the news. You can work with your supervisor to make sure you’re honoring the family’s wishes. Some things you might do include:

• Organizing a fundraiser to help the family
• Donating to a cause related to the death, like a suicide prevention program
• Creating a memorial, like placing flowers on the coworker’s desk or planting a tree
• Participating in a volunteer activity, such as a cancer walk
• Having a potluck where coworkers share memories and stories about the person who passed away

If you notice a coworker is experiencing an extended period of grief, consider encouraging them to talk to a counselor. They can request a counseling appointment or call us at 877-313-4455.

For HR & managers

If need help addressing a loss with your team, request an HR & manager consultation.